Welcome. Today’s post is a bit different—a tender piece of my story that I’ve never fully shared in this way before. It’s raw. It’s real. It’s rooted in the deepest pain I’ve ever felt… but also in the most beautiful redemption I’ve ever known.
This began as a simple recording, one I made months after walking through the valley with God. It wasn’t planned or polished. I just hit record during a quiet moment after spending time in His presence, after letting Him hold me and begin the work of healing. And while I hesitated to share it, I felt led—because I know someone might need to hear this.
Before you read any further, a gentle word of warning: this begins in my darkest moment. I speak openly about standing at the edge—contemplating ending my life. If that’s a tender spot for you, I lovingly invite you to skip ahead in your heart to where the healing begins. This post does not stay in the dark. It moves toward light. But I honor your heart if that part feels too heavy.
When Christ found me, I was completely undone.
I was sitting on the edge of my bed, broken. A gun in my hand. The enemy whispering that I wasn’t enough—for anyone. That whisper felt like truth. I had just lost a friendship I thought was genuine, and in that same season, my marriage was crumbling under the weight of emotional betrayal. The devil used those wounds to convince me that I was unworthy, unlovable, and unnecessary.
Even the story of my birth carried rejection. My biological father walked away while my mom was still pregnant. And though he came back into my life later, I was never his priority. My mother, who had me at 16, often spoke of the shame she carried, and while I know it wasn’t easy for her, that shame echoed into my own heart. The message was clear—I was a mistake. Unwanted. Not enough.
In that moment, I truly believed my children—my beautiful girls, one and almost five at the time—would be better off without me.
And then God whispered.
“Please don’t, my child. I am here.”
I heard Him. I really heard Him. It was the first time I fully stopped listening to the lies of the enemy and started listening to the voice of truth. His voice. The one that said I was loved, that I was chosen, that I was not alone.
He showed me all the ways He’d been speaking before, but I hadn’t been able to see or hear. And I started listening—really listening. I turned from the world and turned to Him. I dove into His Word. I opened my heart to Jesus, and my life has never been the same.
Was everything instantly perfect? No. My relationships were still messy, my circumstances still hard. But my heart was different. My soul found peace. I knew, maybe for the first time ever, that I was enough. Not because of anything I’d done, but because of who He is.
I gave Him everything—my marriage, my kids, my friendships, my past, my pain. I still do. Every day, I’m learning, healing, growing. But I walk with the full assurance that I’m never walking alone.
That’s why I created a space to reflect and record—my Jesus Journal. On the cover, it says “Long story short… by God’s grace.” Because that’s the truth of my life. I shouldn’t be here. But by His grace, I am. I get to wake up, love my kids, grow in faith, and share that light with others. And that journal has become a space where I can pause, breathe, and write down the beauty of what He’s doing—one small moment at a time.
I’ve been soaking in the Word, reading my Bible daily, and revisiting devotionals like Jesus Calling—anything that keeps me anchored in Him. I also fell in love with The Chosen series. If you haven’t seen it, I can’t recommend it enough. It’s Jesus—loud and clear.
And now? I wake up every day just thanking God. For life. For breath. For grace. For second chances. And I pray that I raise my daughters to know this same kind of love. The kind that saves. The kind that heals. The kind that stays.
There’s a passage of scripture that perfectly captures what He did for me:
“I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord.”
If you’re walking through darkness and feeling like you’re not enough—please hear this from someone who’s been there:
You are enough.
You were created by a loving Father who does not make mistakes. You are seen. You are heard. You are wanted. And you are so deeply loved.
Sometimes, the clearest reminders of God’s love come through simple things: a verse during quiet time, a journal entry, a scene from The Chosen, or even a glimpse of something beautiful passing outside your window. He’s always there. Always reaching.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
Thank you for holding space with me today. Thank you for listening to my story. It still carries weight, but I no longer carry it alone.
And like I always say—because I believe it with all my heart:
To God be the glory.
With love and salt,
Mama AMP